Cutting the Line

Or schoolyard speak for “can I take cutsies”?

January 2025

Happy New Year, dear and loyal readers! Reflecting on this past year, diving back into my writing has reignited a passion I didn’t know I’d lost. I’m beyond grateful for your ongoing support and feedback. It truly means the world to me – and to my perpetually overpacked luggage.

Now, let’s talk about Global Entry, TSA PreCheck® and Clear. Are they worth it? Oh, absolutely YES. Signing up for these has been like upgrading from coach to first class…of life. No more awkward barefoot strolls through security at the likes of “old” LaGuardia (eww) or doing the laptop striptease at screenings? Any chance to make airport life less stressful is a win in my book.

I jumped on the Clear bandwagon during a longer-than-expected layover in Nashville, thanks to a charming and persuasive sales rep who could easily sell ice cubes in Antarctica. My main hesitation? Wondering if Clear would even stick around at my home airport (which, let’s face it, isn’t exactly known for cutting-edge amenities). But after learning that 60% (or more) of US travelers have TSA Pre-Check, I handed over my cash. Ever since, I’ve been struttin’ past lines like I’m in a Beyoncé video. Admittedly, I had to eat a slice of humble pie after years of rolling my eyes at the “Clear People.” Turns out those early adapters were onto something! As a kid, I was convinced we’d be living the Jetsons lifestyle when I was a “grown up.” Instead, I’m letting the government scan these hazel eyes like I’m a villain in the next Mission Impossible just to get through security faster. You’re welcome, Homeland Security.

And, while I’ve got you here, State Department…why can’t I smile in my passport pic? Why must I look like a suspect on America’s Most Wanted? If I can fake a smile after enduring the DMV line for my Real ID, surely, I can flash ‘em a grin at Customs. Seriously State Department, explain thyself.

Since I’m already on a roll, this provides a nice segue to this month’s installment of: Cautionary Tales and Helpful Hints from the Road.

• Don’t be that person at TSA and Customs lines. We’re all in this together, so for the love of tiny airplane pretzels, please know what you can and can’t pack. Don’t hold up the line while pulling liquids out of every crevice while the line glares and moans like you just canceled recess.
• Don’t harass or heckle the TSA agents for doing their jobs. Yes, security lines can be frustrating. No, yelling at the folks with the badge and scanner won’t help your cause nor will it magically speed up the process. Also, can we agree to let them do their jobs? I’ve watched countless times (at times with amusement but more often with abject horror) as someone tries to “help” by directing traffic or identifying bags near the x-ray machine. Please. Just. Stop.
• And for my parting shot…if you’re the self-proclaimed “funny guy” in the queue please spare us your one-liners and juvenile humor. Joking about wanting a pat-down? Not funny. It’s offensive, and you might just find yourself on a one-way train to a much less desirable part of the airport.

Whew. That was a lot. Thanks for letting me vent…err, I mean share. Here’s hoping Big Suitcase Girl continues to offer insight, suggestions, highlights and, at times, a smattering of lowlights, mixed with a bunch of levity around the big world of travel, no matter the size of suitcase you choose to bring.

Until next time, I bid you safe travels, stress-free security lines, and may your tray table always be sturdy and secure.