Cautionary Tales and Suggestions from the Road

July 2024

Throughout the past two-decade chapter in my career journey, I’ve often wondered if I’m the only one at a loss for understanding the ins and outs of productive, safe, and satisfying travel. Could I be alone in navigating near-misses on the freeways in Southern California (back when I enjoyed the challenge of driving in LA)? Also, when I was a state employee, surely, I wasn’t the only one to fail at finding a decent (and safe) hotel at or under the GSA rate in Boston or Manhattan? And, in the “How Best to Attract Unwanted Attention/Conversation” column, was I (am I) just flypaper for freaks because I smile and make eye contact too often with fellow travelers in airports, on the train, and on the sidewalk? This month’s entry is dedicated to any of you traveling for work or pleasure, for a night, a week, a month, or a lifetime, and who may be pondering some of these same questions. To all the road warriors and happy wanderers out there – I salute you!

Take a page from my well-worn and sometimes ignored travel playbook.

1. Pack a travel steamer if you can (there should be plenty of room for it in your big suitcase). Irons and ironing boards found in hotel room closets likely aren’t cleaned on a regular basis (if at all) and may very well date back to the disco era.
2. Be kind, be courteous, be adventurous, and be observant. Take into consideration your surroundings, the variety of cultures and lifestyles (I dare you to try a new cuisine sometime!), and the historic nature of buildings and neighborhoods. It can only serve you well to exhibit thoughtful and courteous behavior on your flights, at a museum, in an Uber/Lyft, and while walking down a sidewalk to your next meeting or chosen destination.
3. And for the benefit of all mankind, please don’t talk loudly (or at all) on your phone in a restaurant, museum or gallery, rideshare, or in the aisle of an airplane while others are waiting to take a seat. If it can’t be helped, please, and I beseech you, DO NOT take or make your call on speaker for all to hear – that’s just the worst. I know I’m not alone in this admonishment, am I?
4. Leave a tip and note of gratitude for the housekeeping crew at your hotel. It’s a thankless and low-paying job, picking up after our messy selves. Expressing my appreciation as I do with a gratuity for the waitstaff at a restaurant is something I began doing prior to the pandemic. It’s now more important than ever, in my opinion.
5. Don’t wear white or beige slacks on flight day. Hint: when you’re accidentally bathed in Diet Coke by the person sitting next to you – 30 minutes into a three-hour flight – that fizzy caffeinated delight never comes out, no matter how much stain remover you use.
6. After checking in at your hotel and making your way to your room…before you unpack one thing, do a thorough bed bug check. Turn on the flashlight on your cell phone, lift the mattress, then the duvet and sheets, and inspect the area for tiny black ickiness. Nothing ruins a trip quicker than donning the telltale bite marks from those pesky and pervasive buggers.
7. Window vs aisle seat. I’m squarely in Team Aisle Seat and for good reason. Growing up, on any road trip, it was a given that I was always the one needing to make a pitstop or ten. I have a BB bladder, so sue me. Fast forward many years and I’m still toting around that relatively small but vital organ and my need to visit the ladies’ room on a regular basis is still loitering around, as well. Strategically choosing an aisle seat when making flight reservations is paramount to a successful flight in my mind. The aisle seat is convenient both for me and my fellow passengers – no climbing over a napping flier, crying baby, or disgruntled fellow passenger when nature rings me up. Now that I think of it, maybe that was the real cause of the aforementioned Diet Coke/White Pants incident of 2023.
8. Airport bathroom stalls and purse safety. This is a lesson I learned secondhand from my momma when she and my late father visited Vegas many years ago. Mom thought nothing of hanging her purse on the hook inside the bathroom stall, only to look up and see it on a metal rod going over the connecting wall. From her compromised position, she called out for someone to help/stop the thieves but to no avail. Apparently, at that time, this was the ‘racket du jour’ and, according to airport police/security, she was one of countless victims to this scheme. The perps posted up in stalls with small hand mirrors held above the walls once the next person entered the adjacent stall, hung up their purse, and turned around. Woosh, over their wall they’d reach with their metal rod and snag the next purse. They’d then exit their chosen stall with the stolen purse stowed in a larger bag or carry on and be on their merry way without raising any suspicion along the way.
9. When out and about, listen to your “senses”. If something doesn’t feel right, if a conversation is awkward, or someone’s proximity to you makes you uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to extricate yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. Also, if you use rideshare apps, and we’ve all heard this warning for years now, but it bears repeating, ask the driver who they’re picking up and wait for them to say your name. And for an extra layer of personal safety, utilize the “share your location” feature with one or more of your lovelies back home.
10. And finally…take a moment and think about George Clooney (and who among us doesn’t enjoy that guilty pleasure?) and his soliloquy on air travel in the film “Up in the Air”. While I clearly don’t subscribe to George’s character’s mantra of never checking a bag, I do follow his advice about smart travel and alleviating headaches at the airport. You simply must maintain constant vigilance when approaching the security checkpoints and your choice of lines can be a gamechanger, especially if pressed for time. Do not, I repeat, do not get behind families or octogenarians if possible. Look for fellow travelers who clearly know what they’re doing. By positioning yourself strategically in their chosen line, you’ll minimize time spent in each airport’s equivalent to queuing up at the DMV. I’ll share my thoughts on Clear and TSA PreCheck® in a future entry but, suffice it to say…it’s the best money I’ve forked over when it comes to air travel. If you can swing it, do it.

I’d love for you to share any tidbits you’ve learned over the years that I can add to my fun, pink playbook (keep scrolling). If you like the looks of that trusty playbook and want to treat yoself to one, please visit my friend Kalyn’s site, Effie’s Paper. If you’re looking for some fabulous stationery and delightful whatnots (think pens, socks, scarves, headbands, makeup bags (tiny!), festive drinkware…all the pretty things), visit www.effiespaper.com or @effiespaper on InstaG.